It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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