I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
