dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize