It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
