I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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