One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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