If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
