my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
