Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
