you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
