you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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