Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
