based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
