I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
