Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
