i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
