He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
