Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
