boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
