my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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