just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
