it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
