Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
