I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
