is your mom at the bar?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
