I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
