I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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