Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
