I feel great
I just peed on a car
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You made out with two different species that night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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