Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
