I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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