You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
