I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
