I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize