ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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