u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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