She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
