watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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