Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
