so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
