You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
