she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
