I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize