Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
either way he was missing a nipple.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
