i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
