whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
