All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
