they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
