oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize