well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
