New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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