May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
