i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
