he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
