Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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