Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
