So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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