i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
