Cold hands, warm shart.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
