just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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