I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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