I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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