He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
