So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
