do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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