I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
