Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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