i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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