In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
