hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
