im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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