I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
