Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
