I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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