just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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