The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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