apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
