I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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