I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
