I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
