He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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