I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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