Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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