Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
