Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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